World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"

There was a World wide survey of "Most Embarrassing Moment in human life"
the finale had the following three incidents....


Third Place

"It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over
for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give
her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call,
we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled
"SURPRISE!".
My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there ! My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of
shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again

Second Place

"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself right now, she would
be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee(dick) last night!".
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers
stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out
of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door
closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

And the Winner is...

This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels
found in semen.
A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand
what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct." responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data.

Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?". After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl
turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said
(or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out
of the class, and never returned.
However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

Math solutions

Seat Distribution for India's Moon Trip

No. of Seat Available : 100

25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians
and if possible
1 - Astronnaut

Think of this fate Mr.Honourable HRD Minister Arjun Singh and PM Manmohan Singh

Share and Equity Market

Once upon a time in a village a man appeared who announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs. 10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys went out in the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish and villagers started to stop their effort he announced that now he would buy at 20 rupees.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching moneys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to 25 and the supply of monkeys became so that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business his assistant would now buy on behalf of the man.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at 35 and when the man comes back you can sell it to him for 50."
The villagers queued up with all their saving to buy the monkeys.

Phir na woh aadmi mila na us ka assistant...........
Sub-title: after that neither that man returned nor his assistant

Sirf bandar hee bandar.....
Sub-title: only the mokeys were left

Gender of Computer

An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.

He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

This is how business is done

Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done!!

How to be the Perfect Project Manager

Source: Why do IT projects fail? - The Economic Times

Here are some tips for mastering the art of project management:
• Everything can be represented in an ordered list. Most of the work of project management is correctly prioritising things and leading the team in carrying them out.
• The three most basic ordered lists are: project goals (vision), list of features, and list of work items.
• They should always be in sync with each other. Each work item contributes to a feature, and each feature contributes to a goal.
• There is a bright yellow line between priority 1 work and everything else.
• Things happen when you say no. If you can't say no, you effectively have no priorities.
• The PM has to keep the team honest and keep them close to reality.
• Knowing the critical path in engineering and team processes enables efficiency.
• You must be both relentless and savvy to make things happen.

A good project manager's primary role is to ensure that people at all levels within and around the project environment are doing their best to enable the project to be successful. This means the companies should look primarily for a people person as PM who is focused on success.

And it is important to choose the right people to manage projects. As much care should be given to the appointment of a project manager for a mission critical project as is given during the hiring process for a key position within the company.

And yet, most organizations have no process for choosing project managers. They also have little idea what skills and personality traits are needed by project managers to help them succeed.

However everyone can't be a project manager. Certain people have an innate ability to do it well, and others do not. But what is required in PMs is the ability to make things happen. Some people are able to apply their skills and talents in whatever combination necessary to move projects forwarded, and others cannot, even if they have the same or superior individual skills.

As to the number of years' experience required depends on the person and the project. Still, it will give an edge if you are a 'certified' project manager.

There are no project management associations in India except NICMAR (National Institution of Construction Management & Research) which has a leadership training programme for the construction industry. However, institutes like Project Management Institute (PMI) from US which has centers in India conducts exams to certify junior and senior project managers.

Nevertheless, industry experts feel that India doesn't have quality project managers when compared to US. And it requires perfect managers to avoid project mismanagement.

Dedication to one's work...